post grad sad

note: this post was originally from our stillness, a now defunct blogging project.

I was hoping that life would be a little calmer by now, but my hopes seem to be a bit crushed for the time being—my doctor inexplicably denied my Zoloft refill right before I only had a couple days’ worth left.

Maybe the lack of urgency and panic I feel is indicative of some kind of Buddhist atonement I've reached since graduating, but it could also just be that I've been too emotionally steamrolled from the year to perceive stress anymore. At any rate, CVS gave me three pity pills to hold me over until I get this issue sorted out.

The man who usually smokes alone with a bagged Modelo outside my front gate was there when I got home that evening; he gave me a sad glance before returning to his cigarette. I went inside and grabbed one of my own: an herbal cigarette from a pack I bought as a prop for a photoshoot. As the smoke rose from my rapidly burning stick, a woman approached the man with concern. He got up, and the two of them silently entered a black truck. I put my cigarette out as soon as I watched the car drive off.

I hope he took some kind of comfort in this silent form of company.